___ ______ __ _, _, _ ___ _,_ __, _ _ _ __, __, / _ \/ ___/ | /| / / / \ |\ | | |_| |_ | | | |_) |_ / , _/ /__ | |/ |/ / \ / | \| | | | | |/\| | | \ | /_/|_|\___/ |__/|__/ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~ Thursday 25 May 2006 [Fade through from the titles to the press room at the Rose Garden in downtown Portland, Oregon. The room now stands empty -- save for the "voice of RCW" Don Ditka -- but it is still set up for a press conference, a large RCW backdrop behind a long table with three chairs either side of a raised podium in the middle of the table. Cut to a shot of Don Ditka, as always wearing his RCW sports jacket, seated in the front row of press seating. Ditka addresses the camera.] DD: Good evening, everybody, and welcome to RCW On The Wire, the world of professional wrestling in sixty minutes! Earlier today, RCW President Daniel Spreadbury stood at the podium in this room and made blockbuster announcement after blockbuster announcement concerning the line-up at RCW's first-ever major pay-per-view event, RCW Wild Summer Night. In this hour, we'll run down all of those details, see highlights from that press conference, and look ahead to next Thursday night's edition of RCW RAMPAGE. So let's get started! ___ ______ __ / _ \/ ___/ | /| / / / , _/ /__ | |/ |/ / << << << << << << REWIND << << << << << << /_/|_|\___/ |__/|__/ [Cut to footage of the match between Owen Curtis and Brody Thunder on RAMPAGE, captioned "LAST THURSDAY." Thunder tosses Curtis across the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex... big spinebuster on Curtis... Curtis clips Thunder's knee from behind... Curtis stumps his knee into the small of Thunder's back... Thunder hits a brainbuster DDT on Curtis, but Curtis kicks out of the pinfall attempt... Curtis goes for the Front Page Mugshot, but can't use Thunder's momentum against him, Thunder dropping harmlessly to his feet and then wrapping him up in an inside cradle for the victory.] DD: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder surprised everybody when he showed up last week on RAMPAGE to put a stop to Owen Curtis's shameful display -- Curtis had his brother Eddie dress up as Thunder to ridicule the Arizona legend -- and ended up not only signing an RCW contract, but also wrestling Owen Curtis right there in the Garden last week. In a physical match, Thunder defeated Curtis by pinfall -- but Curtis and his brother Eddie weren't about to take that lying down. [Cut to more footage captioned "LAST THURSDAY." The theme from "High Plains Drifter" is once again drowned out by the cheers of the fans as Thunder raises his fists to the fans in jubilation. Suddenly, Eddie Curtis is on the ring apron, motioning for Thunder to pose for a picture. The "Lone Wolf" is having none of it, and charges towards Curtis, who presses the shutter button and...] * FLASH! * [...the flashgun explodes, right in Thunder's face! Huge heel pop! Eddie looks down at his camera in shock -- real or feigned, who knows? -- as Thunder recoils, Owen Curtis pops back up and hits Thunder with a kick to the midsection... and then hits a gutwrench powerbomb! Big heel pop! Curtis shouts to Eddie for a chair! We hear the original commentary from Don Ditka and Billy Shakespeare.] BS: I do believe that camera was gimmicked, Don. DS: This is ridiculous! Thunder is blinded -- temporarily, we hope -- and now Curtis is *literally* blindsiding him! [Eddie slides a steel chair into the ring, which Owen grabs. Morales moves in to try and prevent Curtis from using the chair, but Owen takes a swing at him, and the official backs off. As Thunder, still groping and unable to see, gets back to his feet...] * CLANG! * [...Curtis *blasts* Thunder with the chair, right in the head! Huge heel pop!] DD: We need security out here, and fast! Oh -- oh, Billy Shakespeare, Thunder has been busted right open by that chairshot! BS: Good grief, Don, he looks like he's been busted from ear to ear! [A close-up shows that mere moments after being struck in the head with the chair, Thunder is already bleeding profusely, rivulets of crimson running down his face and into his eyes. Curtis yells another instruction to Eddie, who pulls something out from under the ring and slides it in under the bottom rope...] DD: *Now* what?! [The camera shows that Eddie has shoved a pile of newspapers into the ring. The newspaper carries the masthead of The Oregonian... but it is the huge headline that catches the eye: "STORM OVER: THUNDER IS FINISHED".] DD: Owen Curtis... Owen Curtis has had newspapers specially printed. BS: The man's got a screw loose, Don. [Curtis drags Thunder to his feet again, blood now covering his face in a crimson mask, and hoists him up into position for a vertical suplex... holds him... holds him... and then drops him down into a piledriver, right onto the newspapers, which are scattered! Big heel pop!] DD: OBITUARY! OBITUARY! [Curtis grabs a few newspapers and drops the leg on Thunder's throat, placing the papers under his leg. He bounces back up, and waves the increasingly bloodied papers in the air at nobody in particular, like a prized trophy, then drops an elbow on Thunder, making sure to get the newspapers between Thunder's head and his elbow. The crowd jeers like crazy!] DD: Owen Curtis has snapped, folks. He has just snapped. BS: Thunder is losing a lot of blood in there, Don. We need security out here, and fast! [Indeed, security personnel are now in the aisle, and Eddie Curtis is attempting to head them off as Owen Curtis makes a show of placing the newspapers tidily on the motionless Thunder's bloody face, then goes to the corner, steps between the ropes, and climbs to the top turnbuckle.] DD: This is uncharted territory for Curtis -- he doesn't go up top very often! [Cameras flash all over the arena as Curtis raises his arms to the fans, who boo him like there's no tomorrow... before launching himself with a top rope leg-drop onto the newspapers and Thunder's face!] DD: It's carnage in there! Come on, security, what's holding you up?! BS: Eddie Curtis is threatening them with that flashgun, Don -- they've seen what it did to Thunder and I guess they don't want to end up blinded, temporarily or otherwise. [Curtis scoops up the bloodied papers from Thunder's face, and rolls from the ring, moving over to the front-row seat where Brody Thunder's wife is seated, ashen-faced.] DD: Oh, no -- come on, Curtis. Leave that poor woman alone! She came here tonight to see her husband exact some revenge on Curtis, but... but she can't have imagined she'd end up seeing this. [The microphone on the camera catches Curtis's words as he waves the newspapers in Mrs. Thunder's face:] OTW: I got a riddle for ya, honey. What's black and white and red all over? Your husband! [Mrs. Thunder turns her head, not wanting to look at the newspapers, stained with her husband's still-wet blood.] OTW: That's not the ONLY news there is to know about Brody Thunder -- 'cause if it's the Truth, its news to you! You'll see. You'll see. [Curtis then tosses one of the papers into Mrs. Thunder's lap, then throws his head back and laughs maniacally!] DD: This... this is disgusting! Curtis has lost it! Curtis has absolutely lost it! How dare he! [Security finally push past Eddie Curtis, two blue-shirted burlies dragging Eddie away from ringside as a further four surround Curtis, who doesn't put up any resistance as he too is dragged away, eyes wide and a rictus smile on his face.] DD: And about damned time! Folks, we are absolutely out of time! We have to leave the air right now -- Brody Thunder is motionless in the ring. This is Don Ditka, for Billy Shakespeare and everybody at RCW, wishing you a good night, everybody. Damn him, Billy Shakespeare! Damn Owen Curtis! [The camera cuts to a shot of the bloodied Thunder, lying in the ring amidst a scattered pile of bloody newspapers, his face a crimson mask. We see the blood-spattered headline "THUNDER IS FINISHED" under Thunder's head... as we cut back to Ditka in the press room.] DD: Wow. Seeing that footage again now, a week later on... it still has such impact. Folks, after we went off air last week, Thunder was helped from the ring, and the Curtis brothers were escorted from the arena under a hail of objects thrown by the fans. Neither Thunder nor Curtis has issued any comment since the events of last week, and at this afternoon's press conference -- about which more later on -- the RCW President was conspicuously silent on this matter. But my sources tell me that it has been anything but quiet in the front office in the days since last Thursday -- and that next Thursday night's RAMPAGE will bring further developments in this rivalry. [Cut to footage captioned "LAST THURSDAY" showing Johnny Pleasence in a striped referee's shirt, disqualifying Paul Driscoll right after the opening bell for using a closed fist against Ryan Faith, then restarting the match and disqualifying Faith immediately afterwards for striking Driscoll with a move from the top rope. Pleasence restarts the match -- and immediately Driscoll and Faith go at it. Driscoll pastes Faith with a steel chair... Faith hits Driscoll with a low blow.. Dinah low-bridges Driscoll as he is whipped into the ropes, the Texan tumbling to the outside... Dinah stomps away at Driscoll... the two men brawl through several rows of fans... Driscoll hits the Death Valley Driver on Faith onto a steel chair, and Pleasence is forced to count the 1... 2... 3...] DD: RCW Champion Johnny Pleasence was on hand last Thursday night as undoubtedly the worst match official in wrestling history. He disqualified both Paul Driscoll and Ryan Faith right after the start of their match, then proceeded to restart the match under Falls Count Anywhere rules, clearly enjoying the sight of his ally Faith and the number one contender who will challenge him at Wild Summer Night, Paul Driscoll, beating the tar out of one another. In the end, Driscoll picked up the win after a brutal DVD onto a steel chair -- but we've not seen the last of Ryan Faith, who proved that he can go toe-to-toe with the second generation Texan, but on this occasion, came up slightly short. [Cut to footage of Lord Byron facing Liam Cassidy... Cassidy escapes near fall after near fall from Byron... as the clock ticks down, Byron goes for a tie-up, but Cassidy slips behind the blueblood, and as Byron spins around, he is caught by a vicious right hook from Cassidy, allowing Cassidy to pin Byron with two seconds to spare!] DD: In one of the most shocking upsets in wrestling history, Liam Cassidy pinned Lord Byron with two seconds still on the clock in their 60 Second Challenge. We'll talk some more about this extraordinary event later on in the hour, when we look ahead to next week's RAMPAGE -- Lord Byron is livid and out for redemption. [Cut to footage of the tag team match pitting Nolan Dorado and Dave Bryant against Orin LeBlanc and Derek Rage... LeBlanc and Dorado brawl away from ringside, leaving Bryant and Rage to face each other... Rage picks up Bryant in a clawhold for the Hammer of God, but Bryant escapes, planting the big man with a DDT... Bryant drops the leg on Rage, then attempts a Boston Crab, but the giant escapes... Rage is tossed a frozen flounder by a fan, and uses it against Bryant... Rage bends down, and Bryant leaps over him, grabbing him with a sunset flip -- but Rage stands as Bryant rolls over him, in position for a powerbomb! Rage goes to powerbomb the smaller man -- but Bryant locks his legs, countering with a head scissors... and then Rage counters Bryant's counter, sitting down as Bryant arches his back, and trapping the Las Vegas native in an elevated Boston crab! Bryant struggles against the hold, but in the end is forced to submit...] DD: Last week's tag team turmoil match quickly degenerated into chaos when Nolan Dorado walked out of the match -- earning himself the new sobriquet of "Walking Boy" -- only to be followed by Orin LeBlanc, leaving Dave Bryant and Derek Rage, the last two men remaining in the previous RAMPAGE's Debutant's Brawl Battle Royal, in the ring. In their first meeting, it was Bryant who came out on top, but in last week's match, which ended in a carbon copy of the finish of the battle royal, Rage trapped Bryant in a submission hold, and the Las Vegas native had no choice to tap out. Now it's one-for-one between these two men -- and Rage's use of a rather bizarre foreign object caused quite the controversy. As you'll see from some footage later on in the hour, Bryant took Rage's use of a fish as a weapon... very seriously. [Cut to footage of David Cross making his way to the ring... and being waylaid by Christian Right, who attacks him with a steel-plate-laden Bible to prevent him from competing against Akitoshi Ogawa... Ogawa's manager Zeke Brackett calls out Ogawa's nemesis Mark Coleman. We hear the original soundtrack as Brackett has the mic.] ZB: ...how about it, Mark Coleman? We can't seem to get any real competition tonight, and while I wouldn't really call you a "competitor", you are more than welcome to come out and get some. You want to meet this man face to face? [He grits his teeth and snarls slowly.] ZB: Here's... your... chance. [He tosses the mic to the outside, where it lands with a thud as he joins Ogawa, pointing towards the back and encouraging the Japanese monster to destroy Coleman with extreme prejudice. The crowd buzzes, the disappointment at being denied one match washed away by the anticipation of another showdown... and that anticipation is met, as the big Tennessee native steps through the curtain to a rousing cheer! Flash forwards as Coleman stops at ringside and grabs a microphone.] MC: Well, Zeke, I'm mighty happy you decided to let me meet your boy here, face-to-face. Been gettin' kind of boring there in the back, waiting for one of you two gentlemen to kindly grow a set of balls. [Brackett moves to the ropes and smiles at Coleman, sitting on the second rope and lifting the top one, mockingly inviting the Tenneessee native to enter. A nearby camera picks up his words: "Then c'mon, baby! We've got all night!"] MC: Hold your horses there, guys. I'm gonna give Ogawa his chance to prove himself, Zeke... just got one question before we get started. Your boy there... does he speak English? [Brackett looks to Ogawa, who is looking back at him with a perplexed look on his face, before turning back to Coleman. Brackett's face is now wrinkled in anger, and he slowly shakes his head. The crowd is silent, awaiting Coleman's response.] MC: Fine and dandy then. Translate this for me. Howdy. Name's Mark Coleman. I'm the guy who's gonna be kickin' your ass. [Huge pop! And then, with a flip of the mic to Sy Simmons, Coleman runs and slide under the ring ropes! Caught by surprise, Coleman still manages to fight to his feet as Ogawa rains shot after shot down on him! Ogawa is relentless, seeming to throw his entire body behind every single punch! Flash forwards as Ogawa hits Coleman in the throat with a palm thrust. Coleman immediately staggers backwards, clutching at his neck. His eyes are wide as he tries to breathe, catching some of the breath that was knocked out of his body. Flash forwards again: Brackett sneers at the fallen Coleman, mocking him, before turning back to Ogawa, making a slow "cutthroat" motion. At this signal, Ogawa pounces, yanking Coleman upwards and allowing the big man to lock on a dragon sleeper. He wraps his legs around Coleman's waist, and begins to violently wrench at his neck! We hear Ditka's original commentary:] DD: The Blackout! Ogawa has locked Mark Coleman in the Blackout, and Coleman is trying desperately to escape! [Coleman's face turns red as he gasps for breath, arms flailing wildly as he tries to breal free. Ogawa, teeth clenched, has the hold locked in tight, and quickly, Coleman's efforts begin to weaken.] DD: Coleman has nowhere to go... and here comes RCW security! [Indeed, three members of the new RCW Security detail charge down the aisle, sliding into the ring... where they're met by Brackett, who has his fists clenched, blocking them from his charge and his victim!] BS: This is just uneccessary! Brackett is stopping security from freeing Mark Coleman! [After a few moments, Brackett shrugs and steps aside, and the three men immediately descend upon Ogawa and begin to tug at him!] DD: Akitoshi Ogawa will NOT let go of Mark Coleman... who I believe may be unconscious, Billy Shakespeare! BS: Coleman isn't moving, but Ogawa refuses to release the Blackout! [Brackett rolls outside the ring, and in a few seconds, Ogawa releases the Blackout and follows his manager, avoiding security in the process. On the outside, he rejoins Brackett, who is smiling proudly at his charge. They seem to be the only two in the arena smiling, however, as the RCW faithful rain a chorus of boos down upon them! Cut back to Ditka in the empty press room.] DD: We had expected to see a match between David Cross and Akitoshi Ogawa, and what we got was a brawl between Ogawa and Mark Coleman which ended with the impressive rookie -- who still wasn't medically cleared to wrestle when his guts overtook his brains -- getting re-injured by the former King of the Death Match. And as you'll see later on tonight, Ogawa and Coleman will definitely be meeting again soon. [Cut to footage of "Showtime" Rick Marley facing Nathan Herod... Marley dropkicks Herod... Herod falls to the outside... Marley hits him with a slingshot plancha over the top rope... Marley rolls Herod back into the ring, then leaps back in with a Frankensteiner that takes Herod down to the mat... Marley with the tornado DDT, Herod narrowly kicking out of the ensuing cover... Marley traps Herod in a sharpshooter, and Herod is unable to counter, relying on the intervention of his manager to escape the hold... Herod busts Marley open again, re-opening his two-week-old wound... Herod goes for the Herod Dynasty Devastator, but Marley has it scouted, countering with his ReWrite inverted DDT and nicking the pinfall victory!] DD: In last week's opening match, rookie Nathan Herod went one-on-one against exciting cruiserweight "Showtime" Rick Marley in a tremendously fast-paced opener. Marley wrestled rings around Herod in the early going -- an indicator of just how green Herod truly is was his panic when trapped in a sharpshooter by Marley, relying on manager Mick Silvestri to rescue him from the predicament. But what Herod lacks in experience he more than makes up for in meanness, as demonstrated when he took great pleasure in re-opening an old wound on Marley's head. Rick Marley's greater experience paid off in the end, however, as he was able to counter Herod's HDD to pick up the pinfall. As you'll hear later on tonight, however, Mick Silvestri is upbeat about Herod's prospects in RCW -- and with good reason. Herod is going to be a very dangerous competitor here in Portland in the months and years to come. [Cut back to Ditka in the empty press room.] DD: What a night it was -- and next week there'll be even more extraordinary action coming your way, live on KPDX-49. We'll run down next week's line-up when we come back. [Fade to commercials.] ___ ______ __ / _ \/ ___/ | /| / / / , _/ /__ | |/ |/ / >< >< >< >< >< RAMPAGE RUNDOWN >< >< >< >< >< /_/|_|\___/ |__/|__/ [Fade back from commercials. Ditka is sat at the front of the empty press briefing room.] DD: Welcome back, folks. Next Thursday night we'll have another hour of wrestling action coming at you *live* from the Rose Garden. Let's run down the huge matches we're going to see. [A graphic appears on the screen showing Johnny Pleasence and Orin "The Lynx" LeBlanc.] DD: Top of the card with a bullet is the non-title match pitting RCW Champion Johnny Pleasence against Orin "The Lynx" LeBlanc. LeBlanc has been on fire in RCW lately, and will strengthen his claims for a title shot after RCW Wild Summer Night if he can put down the champion in the Rose Garden next week. But that's no mean feat -- particularly since the RCW Champion is surrounding himself with dangerous allies, not only his own unhinged valet, Matilda, but also Ryan Faith and Dave Bryant. Will LeBlanc and Pleasence be wrestling one-on-one, or will it be a three-on-one handicap match? We'll find out. [The graphic flips around to show the faces of Lord Byron and "The Jersey Drifter" Liam Cassidy.] DD: In one of the biggest upsets I think I've seen in my twenty years around this sport, last week Liam Cassidy *knocked out* the legendary Lord Byron in a sixty-second challenge. The arrogant blueblood underestimated Cassidy, and suffered the most humiliating defeat of his career as a result. Unsurprisingly, Byron has demanded a rematch -- and although I was't privy to the negotiations, it's my understanding that RCW President Daniel Spreadbury demanded that Byron sign a standard RCW contract as a condition of granting Byron's demands. So Lord Byron is now a contracted RCW wrestler, and he'll be competing regularly here in Portland as a result -- starting next Thursday night. Will lightning strike twice next week and see Byron knocked on his behind by Liam Cassidy *again*? [The graphic now spins to show the faces of Ryan Faith, "Showtime" Rick Marley, and "Golden Boy" Nolan Dorado.] DD: We'll see a three-way dance in the Garden next Thursday night when RCW newcomer "Showtime" Rick Marley, fresh off a victory over Nathan Herod last week, goes up against the resurgent Ryan Faith and "Walking Boy"... I'm sorry, I mean "Golden Boy" Nolan Dorado. It'll be one fall to the finish, and RCW security will have to be working overtime to prevent Dorado's enemies, Vinny Carmazzi and Orin LeBlanc, from getting involved in this one. [The graphic spins around again, now showing the faces of Madrock the Irrepressible and "Your Hero" Danny Daniels.] DD: The most bizarre rivalry in RCW takes another strange twist next Thursday night when Danny Daniels and Madrock the Irrepressible meet in the ring -- but not in a normal wrestling match. It'll be an Arm-wrestling Challenge between the monster from Almunster and the man so nice they named him twice -- and you just know that boxes of t-shirts and bandanas will get involved. [The graphic spins once more, now showing the faces of Christian Right and "Fallen Angel" David Cross.] DD: Rounding out the card we'll see a one-on-one match between Corry, Pennsylvania native David Cross and the Bible-basher himself, Christian Right. Last week on RAMPAGE, Right prevented Cross from making it to the ring to face Akitoshi Ogawa -- and challenged Cross to a match next week. If you ask me, Christian Right is seriously unbalanced -- and who knows what he's going to do to David Cross on RAMPAGE next Thursday night. [Cut back to Ditka in the empty press room.] DD: Folks, on top of all that in-ring action, you'd be foolish to bet against seeing the delusional, self-aggrandizing Owen Curtis in the Garden next Thursday night. And if Curtis is going to be at RAMPAGE -- will Brody Thunder be far behind? [The screen shows a graphic of the RAMPAGE logo, together with the channel and time of its broadcast.] DD: Don't miss a moment of RAMPAGE next Thursday night on KPDX-49. Now, folks, the big news of today was the press conference at which the RCW President made some big announcements about RCW Wild Summer Night -- we'll have the full scoop when we come back. [Fade to commercials.] [Fade back from commercials to show Ditka, still seated in the front row of press seating in the Rose Garden's press room.] DD: Welcome back, folks! At the top of the hour, I promised you all the details about RCW's first-ever pay-per-view event, [Cut to footage captioned "LAST SATURDAY", showing a line forming around the block at the Rose Garden box office, lots of RCW fans standing in line with signs and RCW merchandise.] DD: Tickets for RCW Wild Summer Night went on sale last Saturday morning, May 20th, at 9am, and as you can see, hundreds of RCW fans were in attendance at the Rose Garden box office to be sure of not missing out. Walk-up advance sales were brisk, and our online partners at www.ticketmaster.com reported great sales, too. Right now, only a few hundred tickets are still available for Wild Summer Night -- and after we talk about all of today's announcements they're sure to go real fast! [Cut to a graphic showing the Ticketmaster logo and phone details for the Rose Garden box office.] DD: Fans, don't miss out on the chance to say "I was there at RCW's first-ever pay-per-view." Get your tickets now -- Wild Summer Night is expected to sell out by this weekend. [Cut back to Ditka in the press room.] DD: Now, RCW President Daniel Spreadbury hosted a press conference earlier today at which he made a number of blockbuster announcements concerning the line-up at RCW Wild Summer Night. His first announcement concerned the RCW Championship. [Cut to footage captioned "EARLIER TODAY" showing RCW President Daniel Spreadbury standing behind the podium in the press room.] DS: We have already announced the main event for RCW Wild Summer Night: but here it is again. RCW Champion Johnny Pleasence will defend his title against the number one contender, "Pistol" Paul Driscoll. [Cut to Johnny Pleasence making his entrance, wearing a denim jacket over a "BIG BAD" t-shirt, RCW Championship belt slung over his shoulder. He is smoking a Camel Gold, as always, and Matilda Agutter is in tow, somewhat incongruously wearing a stunning empress-line ballgown. Over this footage, we hear Ditka's voice.] DD: The RCW Champion was in attendance at the press conference -- but unfortunately we cannot bring you his comments. Johnny Pleasence, in typical fashion, chose to make use of RCW's first truly national media exposure to air some very controversial views unbefitting of an ambassador not only for our organisation, but also for our great sport. [Cut to Paul Driscoll making his entrance, wearing his own "ONE BAD KNEE, ONE BAD HOMBRE" t-shirt. He squares up to Johnny Pleasence immediately upon walking out to the podium, and blue-shirted RCW security personnel immediately have to separate the two men.] DD: The challenger, Paul Driscoll, certainly took umbrage at Pleasence's words -- and we didn't get a chance to hear from the second-generation Texan as a result. However, I had the chance to catch up with Driscoll after the press conference, and he promised that he'd be in attendance at RAMPAGE next Thursday night. [Cut back to Ditka in the press room.] DD: It's my understanding that there will be more announcements to come concerning Wild Summer Night's main event, folks, so stay tuned over the coming weeks for more details. The RCW President went on to introduce a number of other matches for the show. [Cut back to footage from the press conference.] DS: At Wild Summer Night, we will see a three-way dance... inside a steel cage! "Golden Boy" Nolan Dorado, Orin "The Lynx" LeBlanc, and Vinny Carmazzi will square off against each other in an effort to settle the issues between these three men once and for all. Please join with me in welcoming the three competitors to the stage. [Cut to brief shots of Carmazzi and LeBlanc making their way to the seats at the table on either side of the podium, Carmazzi and LeBlanc seated on one side, and the seats on the other side of the podium sitting empty.] DS: I... I don't know where Mr. Dorado is. Let's proceed for now. [Vinny Carmazzi has taken a seat to the left of the podium, a few feet away from centerstage. This being his first ever press conference, he seems to be just a little underdressed. A black sweatshirt with visible holes, dirty jeans, and black sneakers just barely holding it together is the norm every other time he addresses a crowd, why should this occasion be any different? He places his elbows on the table and patiently waits for the signal to address the swarming media. The awkward look on his face isn't concussion-related. The combination of nervous, uncomfortable, angry, and anticipation is all his own. He finally gets the signal to speak.] VC: Three-way, huh? Probably not the one that Jodee wanted. [Vinny shoots a glare at Orin... who, to his credit, says nothing and merely answers Carmazzi with a glare of his own.] VC: Me neither. Don't want the extra people. I'd have no problem destroying Dorado on my own. Beat the bastard senseless. Wait a few seconds. Beat the bastard senseless again. Break his damn arm off. Wait a few seconds. Break his other damn arm off. I don't even need the cage. [Vinny pauses, then looks at LeBlanc again.] VC: And I don't need any help. [The Canadian grappler rolls his eyes at that.] OL: Wasn't plannin' on offerin'. Don't even know why somethin' like that is even needed, really... [He pauses, the hint on a smirk now on his face as he shoots a look at Vinny.] OL: ...though, I can see how some folks might be worried. [Another glare right back....more tension develops between two of the cage match opponents.] VC: No worries at all. Cage match is a dream come true. All Dorado can do is attack from behind and run like hell. He's got no chance of either come Wild Summer Night. Nothing will stop me from giving him a little payback. And a trip to the ER. [Nervous is gone. Uncomfortable is gone. Just anger and anticipation remain.] VC: So my advice for anyone else who happens to be in the cage that night? Sit back and watch. Help out. Call 911. Open up the door for the paramedics. It really doesn't matter. If Nolan Dorado gets into the cage that night, he is not going to walk out. [Vinny starts looking around the room, hoping the seemingly-absent Dorado is somewhere within earshot.] VC: He made his bed, or in this case, an enclosed mass of steel. And in short time, he's going to be laid out in it. Dorado's made a lot of mistakes over the last few weeks. I'm not going to argue which ones have been worse... [He looks over at LeBlanc again.] VC: But I think it's the one where he knocked me unconscious, nearly broke my neck, took away my title shot, and put me out of action for a month. That's what I think. What I know? It's that I'm gonna even the score on July 16th. [Vinny leans forward, talking right into the microphone for the first time.] VC: No matter what. [Vinny turns towards Orin.] VC: The floor is yours. [But before LeBlanc has a chance.] VC: The cage and the opportunity to destroy Dorado is mine. OL: Big words... [Carmazzi's eyes suddenly narrow. LeBlanc then shrugs.] OL: ...no, that's unfair o' me. I will say I empathize with your situation, Carmazzi. A reckonin' is due for that oily bastard. Thing is, my claim's a touch deeper. I don't intend to just sit back an' watch others take it. [The Lynx grimaces.] OL: I'm tired o' havin' to always wait. Havin' to step aside 'cause someone who's been around the block for a while feels yet again he's owed somethin' for just exisitin' an' takin' lumps so long. His business with Dorado was done an' forgotten already. Mine's still unfinished. Only reason why he's howlin' for blood now is that he lost a title shot. Like he's the only one that's ever happened to in this business. [Orin stares pointedly at Vinny.] OL: Well as I can figure it, it's fear talkin'. Fear that an opportunity like that is never gonna come again. An' maybe he's right. Only reason why he got any sort o' shot in the first place is that Driscoll just wanted to shut him up. Not like he earned it proper. Just another thing he's thinks he's owed... So no, Carmazzi, there ain't gonna be any sittin' back. You want your blood debt with Noli paid off? You're gonna have to fight for it this time... [A low growl can now be heard.] OL: ...an' I got no problem leavin' you broken alongside next to him. [Suddenly, a commotion at the back of the room causes heads and camera lenses to rotate as all eyes turn in that direction. Jodee Burwick can be seen making her way towards the front of the room, teetering on ridiculously high heels and wearing a strapless red dress from which her ample “assets” threaten to spill at every step. The dress barely reaches her thighs and the jiggling and motion of various body parts elevates male blood pressures throughout the room as Rip City’s resident “cougar” approaches the podium. Daniel Spreadbury gentlemanly offers a hand which Burwick needs to steady herself as she beams a megawatt smile towards the crowd. On the rear wall, a blank white screen descends from the ceiling causing the reporters in the room to murmur.] JB: Hello, everyone! [LeBlanc and Carmazzi watch Burwick suspiciously as she blows a kiss to the audience and then turns her head to wink suggestively at “The Lynx”. Turning back to the crowd, she draws a small index card from out of her ample cleavage and stares at it for a moment before speaking.] JB: As the manager and confidant of “Golden Boy” Nolan Dorado, I have been authorized to introduce the following pre-recorded comments. [The news that Dorado himself will not be in attendance causes LeBlanc to growl audibly as Burwick turns to one side to watch the screen. On the screen, a projected image appears displaying a head-and-shoulders shot of Dorado, the gold caps on his incisors clearly visible as he smiles broadly at the camera’s lens.] ND: Ah, there you are! A good old-fashioned press conference and... what do I hear? I hear that at Wild Summer Night, I’m going to be facing the curtain-jerker and the overstuffed moron all at the same time! [Both Carmazzi and LeBlanc glare at the screen as Dorado’s wide smile disappears, replaced by a smirk.] ND: Convenient, isn’t it? Both of my current “problems” in the ring at the same time... right where I can get at them! [Exclamations of disbelief can be heard from the audience as on the screen, Dorado holds up his hands in a gesture of restraint.] ND: Now before anyone starts to wonder if I’m deluding myself, let’s be completely open and honest with one another, all right? [This inspires a snort of scepticism from an unknown reporter.] ND: I’ll admit it... my career in Rip City hasn’t gone exactly as planned so far, has it? I’ve yet to win a match... and undeserving cretins like Mr. Punching Bag get to vie for title shots... well, he was supposed to wrestle for a title shot... but I wasn’t about to let that particular injustice go forward without getting involved! [Dorado chuckles to himself as Carmazzi’s hands can be seen balling into fists, his face discoloring with anger.] ND: I’ve even got that windbag, Ditka, calling me “Walking Boy” because I’m not stupid enough to stick around when things don’t go my way. But things are about to change, gentlemen, and you’re all about to witness a transformation of sorts. A bit of wrestling alchemy as misfortune turns to gold. [Dorado pauses, continuing to stare intently at the camera.] ND: Doubt me if you will... ignore me at your peril... but as the professional loser and the overweight simpleton will learn at the pay-per-view, you cannot forget the Golden Rule. [The arrogant smile returns to Dorado’s face as the gold caps on his teeth sparkle.] ND: We all know what that is, right? The Golden Boy... rules! [And with that, the screen grows dark as it begins to automatically recede back up into the ceiling. Interestingly, it is now revealed that Jodee Burwick is nowhere to be seen as she somehow managed to leave unnoticed while Dorado’s address was playing. Cut back to Ditka in the press room.] DD: I have to tell you, folks, I think this match could be worth the price of admission on its own. The most exciting high-flyer in RCW, "Golden Boy" Nolan Dorado, the submission specialist Vinny Carmazzi, and the powerful Canadian Orin "The Lynx" LeBlanc going at each other would be incredible enough -- but put all three men inside a steel cage and make them fight one fall to a finish with no escape... and boy, what a match that is. We'll be right back. [Fade to commercials.] [Fade back from commercials to more footage captioned, "EARLIER TODAY" as RCW President Daniel Spreadbury makes another match for the pay-per-view.] DS: Moving on. Another exciting match at Wild Summer Night will see one of the hottest rising stars in RCW, Mark Coleman, do battle against the former King of the Death Match, Akitoshi Ogawa. These two men have developed quite a rivalry over the past few weeks, since Ogawa made his mark in RCW by injuring the neck and throat of Mark Coleman. Let's invite these two men out here now. [Flash forwards as first Ogawa and his manager Zeke Brackett take their seats beside the podium. Mark Coleman then makes his entrance; Coleman has dressed up a bit for this press conference. The young rookie wears a pair of black slacks and a orange polo shirt, with the famous 'T' logo for the University of Tennessee on the front. The shirt's collar is open, and exposes a bruise that is very prominent on his throat. He takes a seat to one side of the podium. In front of him, however, aside from the standard pitcher of water, is a small whiteboard. Complete with a black dry-erase marker, Coleman's first reaction to the announcement of his match is to reach out and remove the cap from the marker. A few seconds pass as Coleman, ignoring the occasional whirr of a camera, writes on the whiteboard. The marker glides over the surface with slightly jerky strokes. Coleman recaps the marker, and then spins the whiteboard around and holds it up for the reporters to see.] "ABOUT TIME." [Ogawa and Brackett, seated nearby, are both dressed for the occasion. Brackett wears black slacks and dress shoes along with black button-up and red tie. Ogawa wears similar slacks and shoes with a black polo, with his trademark emotionless stare plastered on his face. As Coleman raises his whiteboard, Brackett lets out a loud, shrill laugh, drawing stares from everyone in the room. He turns to Ogawa and translates, laughter threatening to interrupt him. Ogawa breaks a smile, his eyes turning to Coleman, who stares back coldly. Brackett turn to the microphone and speaks, a light chuckle still in his voice.] ZB: God, you are gonna regret this, Coleman. You accepted a match with a man who has proven time and time again that he is smarter, stronger, and an overall better wrestler. I know you aren't an intelligent man, but holy smoke! [He pauses, rising from his seat. He plucks the microphone from the table and turn his entire body towards Coleman, who stares back with passion and vengeance in his eyes.] ZB: But on the bright side, at least you are brushing up on your writing skills for when this man runs your weak ass out of RCW and you have to sign that dotted line so Spreads will release you from your contract. [Coleman, the whole time Brackett has been speaking, has been writing on the whiteboard. Once Brackett has finished his speech, Coleman, a smirk on his face, turns the whiteboard towards the manager. With an arrow pointing up to himself, Coleman has written the words "TECHNICAL WIZARD" on the whiteboard. Brackett glares as Coleman uses one of the small napkins to wipe off the words, and then writes something else on the board. "MORE TALENT," with the same arrow, now points at him. Brackett's face hardens in anger and his tone changes to one of disgust. He starts to walk towards Coleman, but RCW Security makes a move and steps between them. Brackett shoots threatening stares at the men before turning his attention back to Coleman, who sits back smiling, his whiteboard in his hands.] ZB: I honestly don't see what the hell is so funny to you. You almost get your career ended a few weeks in a row and you get in front of these people and all of a sudden you are a common comedian, with your stupid little whiteboard and your smartass comments. Think about why you are even using that thing, Coleman. It's because this man, Akitoshi Ogawa, almost maimed you. This man could have *KILLED* you. At Wild Summer Night, we'll see how funny it is when he finishes the job he started. [Again, Coleman doesn't wait for Brackett to finish speaking. The marker moves across the board, summing up Coleman's thoughts in a few simple words. Now the arrow points towards Brackett... and the board reads "YADDA YADDA YADDA." Brackett's eyes become wide and he yells, Ogawa rising behind him, ready to attack.] ZB: How dare you disrespect me, you *bleep* hillbilly! [Brackett turns to the table and picks up a glass of water sitting nearby. He hurls it at Coleman, who raises his whiteboard. The glass nails the board, sending water and glass flying through the air. Coleman starts to rise from his seat, but as Brackett and Ogawa are detained by security, he wisely stays put, instead writing on the whiteboard again... and now, he flashes his easy smile, raising the whiteboard again and directing it towards Brackett. "AWWWW, DOES OGAWA NEED A HUG?" [Brackett and Ogawa are escorted back to their seats and Brackett, his voice shaking in anger but his face breaking into a wry smile, gives Coleman a final warning.] ZB: You are over, Coleman. You are over. [As Ogawa and Brackett are ushered away from the podium, cut back to Ditka in the empty press room.] DD: Welcome back, folks. As you can see, another great match has been signed for Wild Summer Night. And the big announcements just kept on coming -- as we shall see. [Cut back to more press conference footage, with RCW President Daniel Spreadbury once again standing behind the podium.] DS: We will also see two of the most colourful characters in RCW do battle at Wild Summer Night, when the monster from Almunster, Madrock the Irrepressible, faces "Your Hero" Danny Daniels. With sales of each of these two athletes' merchandise going through the roof, they are certainly taking the weekly sales figures very personally. Let's get these two out here for their comments. [From out of the blue (actually, the curtain) comes a wild mountain man. Long sleeved leather vest wrapped around with heavy chains, oversized green sweatbands adorn his wrists, hair flowing thick and free in all directions as if the result of a folical nucklear explosion, a nasty natty beard held in check by trice tied over elastic bands. The big man approaches the stand with a heavy step; he looks to his left, looks to his right, slaps the presentation stand once, twice, three times before grabbing the microphone! What follows is a deluge of wordscoming out drowning all other hushing voices...] M: Bane uv' Brisbane! Monster from Almunster! Freak up Abbotts Peak! Madrock the Irrepressible: one part Jim Hawkins and one part Roy Shaw; the grea'est damn rassla you all 'aff evva saw! I like rugby and rum, I make all uv' my opponents run, I step on faces, put scum in their places! One day I was in England, saw a rugby match that was grand; I shout so loud, I drowned out the crowd; woke God up, 'ee told me to stop, but I didn't listen so 'ee locks me in a wooden crate prison! Next 'fing you know I'm rockin' in Portlun', neck so sore and achin' fer a fight! Can ya guess what I get? Do they give me their champions? Do they give me their monsters? They give me their salesmen!!! Lying, cheating, stealing git! Ugly, snidely, pasty dummy! The shame uv' San Fran, da loser from KEWzer and yer undefeated Zero, da Donny Dannels!! I can't git in a fight without seeing his ugly mug, lookin' smug, I'll squash him like bug! And can any uv' you white collar twits guess wot 'ees done now? Do any uv' ya care a wager? WIGGER STOLE MY BANDANNAS!! 'Ere I am, trying ta git a down payment on a new boat, raisin' sum extra cash wif my fashunable sense uv' style... not ta mention my very own Grinning Wallaby bandannas! DONNY DANNELS GOES AN' RIP ME OFF!!! Well let ol' Madrock assure ya gents dat da NEXT TIME 'ee see's da stealin' sunnuvagun, as soon as 'ee layz eyes on da man, da minute 'ee hears his warbly voice-- D'YH'D: GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS! [From off to the left, bounding onto the stage is Danny "Your Hero" Daniels. Danny's wearing wraparound sunglasses and has his blonde hair hanging loosely over his shoulders. He's wearing one of the yellow 'YOUR HERO' t-shirts. And he's holding a cordless microphone that he uses to address the press.] D'YH'D: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Danny Daniels. 'Your Hero', Danny Daniels. A man so nice they named me twice. And while it is an honor and privilege to address you, I have to interrupt this press conference for an important event. [Danny points his finger at Madrock.] D'YH'D: Officers! Do your duty and arrest that man! The crime is grand theft! [No policemen are here or seem to be arriving, but Danny turns and faces the press again.] D'YH'D: You see, this man first damages one of these... [he points to his shirt] fine apparel -- a shirt, I might add, that was going to a poor orphan living in Arizona who was dying from mono. He was living in a cardboard box under a trailer, and that shirt was the only form of happiness that boy would ever know... [He shakes his head, then points another finger at Madrock.] D'YH'D: AND YOU RUINED IT! [Danny seems to be trembling with rage] D'YH'D: But that wasn't enough... oh no... then you had to take an entire BOX of shirts -- the very last box of these rare special FIRST EDITION shirts. I understand eBay buyers are offering forty-thousand dollars per shirt, but no one -- NO ONE -- wants to sell them. And you took them! Leaving me with a worthless set of washrags with an overgrown RAT on them. [He looks around.] D'YH'D: OFFICERS! OFFICERS? [He snarls] I guess I'll have to make a citizen's arrest then... [Danny rears back with a fist as Madrock seems to chuckle- and begin opening his vest. Just as Danny Daniels reaches Madrock and prepares to fire, Madrock reveals, under his vest... ...a 'YOUR HERO' t-shirt. Danny stops in mid-punch, his mouth agape.] D'YH'D: But... you can't wear those! These shirts are to be cared for, tenderly! Not pawed by large oversize Angelican hands like yours! You've stretched the fabric! Your odor has penetrated the cotton! I... [He rears back for another swing, but again can't connect.] D'YH'D: [muttering to himself] I can't damage my shirt... they're my babies. And one of them -- and entire load of them -- is with HIM!... [Danny faces Madrock, snarling.] D'YH'D: You'll pay for this! I promise you! YOU WILL PAY!! [Danny storms off the podium, muttering to himself as he does so. Cut back to Ditka in the press room.] DD: The situation between Madrock the Irrepressible and Danny Daniels continues to go from strange to downright bizarre -- and it's sure to be one of the most outrageous matches at Wild Summer Night! However personal the issue between Madrock and Daniels may be, though, we're about to find out that the match with the most personal antagonism at Wild Summer Night may be this one. [Cut back to footage captioned "EARLIER TODAY" as RCW President Daniel Spreadbury announces another match.] DS: Also at Wild Summer Night, in singles competition, we will see two veterans of the ring face each other as legendary tag team competitor Derek Rage does battle against Las Vegas native Dave Bryant. Derek, Dave, welcome. [Flash forwards to show Bryant and Glory coming out to sit on one side of the podium, and Rage and Pizzazz emerging to sit on the other. Cut to Bryant, whose face is something close to the shade of a brick.] DB: I bet you think this is real goddamn funny, huh, Derek? [Derek simply nods to the reporters and makes faces.] DB: You might be thinking that it was some harmless "bit of fun", or that I've endured enough humiliations in my day that this is nothing in comparison, but boy... [Bryant seethes for a moment, then regains control. Derek meanwhile simply mouths the word "boy" with his eyebrow arching in amusement.] DB: You couldn't _be_ more wrong. You see, in my little rant last week, I briefly touched on my stay in an organization in New Jersey, and there, a magical word was born. This word, used to describe only the most asinine and unamusing of antics inside of a wrestling ring, is derived from the name of the guy that used to run things around those parts. This word, the perfect word for that little bullsh... [Glory reaches up and puts one hand on Dave's shoulder, pausing him in the midst of his surely fine-inducing expletive.] DB: ...stunt you pulled? Nagpalian. Now, allow me to describe for you a few of the _other_ actions that this word has been applied to in the past. Let's see... [Bryant holds up a finger.] DB: One? Some supergenius dressing up in a rubber suit and dumping itching powder all over some bunch of saps in a battle royal. Yes... itching powder. Two? This place in New Jersey, it once employed... [Bryant hesitates.] DB: ...Christ Almighty, they dressed up people in goddamn _bear suits_ and paid them far too little money to rollerskate around arenas, playing "security" for a place with fans so dead that the very notion of needing security in the _first_ place was Nagpalian. [Bryant shakes his head, taking a few deep breaths. Derek gestures for a pad and paper. He starts making little notes while speaking aloud "N-A-G-P-ALIAN."] DB: All that aside... yes, I've endured embarassment before. I've lost to some of the lamest sons of bitches in the sport, and in fashions that would make Maurice MacArthur look like Lord goddamned Byron. I've even _participated_ in some of the more inane events of semi-recent history -- planting some poor sap's skull in the middle of a watermelon and kicking the bejesus out of it in front of a national audience, for example. [Bryant's smirk returns for an instant, but it's bitter.] DB: Months, a year later, I don't remember, that same sap came back and returned the humiliation tenfold by beating me square in the middle of the mat... again, on national television. I thought, at the time, that I'd never feel worse, that I had hit the very lowest of lows, and that there was noplace to go from there but up. [Pause.] DB: It pains the hell out of me to admit when I'm wrong... but I was. You see, Derek, back when all that was happening, I didn't really care. I was there to collect my paycheck, hit the casinos, and drink or gamble it away. All the garbage that I endured during that time? I brought it on myself. Call it karma if you want, I know the truth -- it was apathy. Apathy brought on by burnout, by busting my ass for unappreciative little bastards in suits and ties who only cared about the bottom line. [Bryant reaches up, running one hand through his hair.] DB: It took me _years_ to want to get into that ring again, Derek, and you... [Bryant's hands begin to shake slightly.] DB: ...you're trying to drag me back down to that place, back to hating this business... but it won't work, asshole! [Rage merely shrugs.] DR: We'll see. [Bryant's hands clench into fists.] DB: It won't work, because I realize that the business hasn't got a damn thing to do with your little comedy bit! I'm sure the audience got a good laugh out of it, and to be honest, if it happened to somebody else, I bet I'd be laughing right along side them... but it didn't happen to somebody else, Derek. You pulled that garbage on _me_... you made _me_ look like an asshole in front of thousands, and then, to put the cherry on top... [Derek is too busy pantomiming drowsiness to respond. Bryant's fists unclench.] DB: I had to tap... out. Humiliation piled upon humiliation, Derek. Getting a cold fish shoved down the back of my trunks, followed by losing in the worst way possible to a guy that isn't even fit to lace my goddamn boots. [Suddenly Rage's head snaps up. He yawns and stretches.] DR: You're right. I'm not fit to lace your boots, Bryant. I'm too high up to stoop so low. [Derek shrugs and flashes a little smile as he deliberately turns away from the sputtering Dave Bryant to face the gathered audience.] DR: [holding up a long index finger] You see, ladies and gentlemen, I always knew there was something "fishy" about ol' Spongebob next to me. [The press is having a grand ol' time laughing at Dave Bryant.] DR: And it occurred to me what it was when I saw his interview about our tag team match. He called me half a wrestler. He said that everywhere I went throughout my career it was my brother Shadoe who was out there to pull me through and deliver me to victory. He said that I couldn't wrestle on my own and that I was the weaklink in the Prophets of Rage. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? [Rage pauses for a beat.] DR: It made me confident. See, I'll let you in on a little secret. [He holds his hand to the side of his mouth to shield his words from Dave Bryant and the says LOUDLY:] DR: I have _NO_ idea who this man next to me is. I have never seen one of his matches. I have never heard of his name. I have never even seen his supposed girlfriend in any risque outfits on an internet site. You can google Derek Rage. You can google the Prophets of Rage. You can google Pizzazz. Google Dave Bryant and all you get back is "search results in no matches please check the spelling and try again." I mean, really, until the debutant's battle royal I thought Dave Bryant might have been Kobe's third cousin or something, you know, a Lakers ballboy or so. [He shrugs.] DR: Then I saw Dave Bryant in the ring and I realised that he isn't big enough to be a ballboy. [The stand up schtick is going over very well.] DR: But you know what, the little man won the first match. You see, that kinda pissed me off, but then I got even. I punk'd him, if you will. If I'm only half a wrestler and I beat you with a frozen flounder and a Liontamer then that makes you what exactly? Somebody out there help me. I'm not that great with math. What's that... [He does some mental calculations, drawing figures in the air] DR: ...carry the one divide by six and the square root of pi ... oh ... yeah, it makes you *bleep*. See, this guy over [indicating Bryant with his thumbs] ...he went through a lot of oxygen to call me Nagpalian ... actually, I'm Nova Scotian, but we won't bother with geography, that may be a bit over his head. [Hmmm, more short jokes.] DR: Well, I've got a name for him. Are you ready? Dum da da da, he's Petrovian. Oooh, that's a ten cent word right there. That name right there comes from the infamous IIWF Champion Forever... a guy who believed his own hype and drank his own Kool-Aid or some bodily fluid. See, when he was up everything was right with the world. He believed that he was the funniest, he believed that he was the best, he believed he was the most original and that he should always win. Well, sometimes things didn't go that way. And when he went down he would throw tantrums he would no show events and matches. He would throw little hissy fits like this bitch right here. [For the first time in a while Derek actually acknowledges Dave Bryant.] DR: Believe the hype all you want about how you're a returning superstar but the fact is you may struggle and strive all you want but you're just a footnote on some wrestling message board. You know you might get an honourable mention the next time some fanboys want to discuss the dumbest foreign objects ever used or the most embarrassing loss ever. That's your little bit of a legacy. I've already established my credentials. I've already paid my dues. Yeah, I can stoop down to comedy wrestling every once in a while, especially if my opponent is nothing but a joke. Get it? [Bryant laughs, shrugging.] DB: Hollow words coming from the Fish Spankee, eh? Yeah, could be, could be... but you know, Derek, if you really wanna go this road, I've got an awesome idea, sure to get a laugh from every random asshole that buys a ticket to come check out Rip City. [Bryant motions the camera closer, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.] DB: C'mon, c'mon, we don't want everybody overhearing this awesome idea, now, do we? Anyway, here it is, Derek -- I was thinking, for your next "bit", that you could just comb out the afro a little bit, come out to the ring in a wifebeater and pants half off your ass, maybe cut a little bit of unintelligible promo, we can wrestle awhile -- and when it looks like you're about to get your sorry ass knocked out, Pizzazz can sneak you a bucket of fried chicken to knock me out cold with, sealing your victory. [Bryant pushes the camera back, smirk back and wider than ever. Derek Rage sends his chair clattering to the floor as the Intelligent Thug surges to his feet. He glares down at Bryant, chest heaving.] DB: What...what's wrong? That isn't funny? [Bryant almost looks hurt.] DB: Aw, c'mon man...it's all in good fun...right? [Bryant's "hurt" look fades, a slight sneer taking it's place. His last words, biting sarcasm.] DR: Good fun? Good _FUN?_ Yeah, it was all in good fun until you mentioned the fried chicken, motherfucker. You know how much grease is in that skin? Do you know how bad fried chicken is for your heart? You think I want to get my hands dirty or get Pizzazz's skin burned by chicken grease just to prove to you that you're less than nothing? There's no way I'm going through that much work. Nah, maybe if you're good I'll hit you up with a thawed flounder next time. If you're lucky it might be some catfish. [Turning back towards the reporters.] DR: People, people... [he throws his arms open magnanimously, his hands coming dangerously close to Bryant's face] ...See, this is what Mr. Bryant has been reduced to. He's trying to get under my skin. He's trying to be that little annoying gnat that gets under your skin and bothers you into doing something stupid. But people, I'll never be so stupid as to let him annoy me. Dave Bryant, for better or for worse, is the launching pad of my Rip City Wrestling career. We all know I'm going to beat him. We all know I'm going to humiliate him. [He claps Bryant on the shoulder with a big meaty hand.] DR: It's all in good fun, buddy. Now if you'll excuse me. I've got to head down to the fish market. [With that the giant of the RCW makes his exit leaving Bryant to fume by himself.] DB: Yeah... all in good fun... [Pause.] DB: Oh, and it's a Boston Crab, you jackass. Cut back to Ditka in the empty press room.] DD: Wow. Talk about personal animosity. And another man who is taking things very personally is Christian Right -- who will be at RCW Wild Summer Night... but perhaps not to wrestle! [Cut to further footage from the press conference. RCW President Daniel Spreadbury is at the podium.] DS: Another match we'll see at RCW Wild Summer Night will... [Suddenly, the following words are heard over the loudspeaker by the same man who always does the voice:] "THE FOLLOWING IS PAID FOR BY CHRISTIAN RIGHT WRESTLING IS AN ABOMINATION AND A SIN AGAINST THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY GHOST. NOW CHRISTIAN RIGHT IS HERE TO SAY A FEW WORDS." [At the podium, Spreadbury rolls his eyes. Christian Right comes out and addresses the assembled press.] CR: Hello all, may you serve the Lord. And may his eternal glory light up your miserable and dismal lives. I'd like to ask the RCW President to shut his dirty trap forever, and let me take the podium. [Christian goes up to the podium, Spreadbury stepping aside, his mouth agape at the way he has just been addressed by Christian Right.] CR: Don't you people have any decency whatsoever? Putting it on network television is one thing, making people PAY to see you practice your demonic sport is another thing. Pay Per View is a sin within itself. Everywhere I go on pay per view, violence, nudity, profanity, and none of it is censored! Where is this country going? And now when Pay Per View has a chance to recover from its further plunge into sin it lets a satanic organzation such as RCW air a show! You want a preview of what you will see? I'll tell you exactly what will happen! Blood will spill everywhere because the men will take it upon themselves to expose their wrath upon their enemies. Wrath is a sin! Only God can punish! Women will be exposing their mammary glands to the wild public to view and lust over. Lust is a sin! There is no telling what can happen on Pay Per View without network censors and people such as myself out to check where ever something may go wrong! [Right stops for a moment, his eyes blazing with zealous fire.] CR: So, please, I urge all of you, you can all get into God's kingdom but you must do one thing. Boycott this pay per view. DO not buy it. DO not advertise it. DO not promote it. DO NOT ACCEPT IT. Join the picketers outside and tell this to your church and get them to go against this. We need to wage the mother of all crusades against professional wrestling and RCW! If we let them air a pay per view, it might be too late! [Spreadbury tries to step back to the podium.] DS: Christian... I think... CR: [interrupting] I hope you all see the light some day, somehow. [He steps off the podium, and as he leaves the stage, the following words are heard over the loudspeaker:] "THIS MESSAGE WAS PAID FOR BY CHRISTIAN RIGHT. WRESTLING IS A SIN AND SO IS PAY PER VIEW. PAY PER VIEW IS FOR PERVERTS WHO LUST IN THE FIRES OF HELL. YOU CAN REDEEM YOURSELF BY BOYCOTTING THIS PAY PER VIEW. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY" [Spreadbury retakes the stage.] DS: Uh, obviously the views of Christian Right are his own and in no way reflect the views of RCW. Let's move on... [Cut back to Ditka in the empty press room.] DD: Well, folks, Christian Right is certainly a unique competitor -- and after his attack on David Cross last week it will be interesting to see where he goes from here. Another man we are expecting to see at Wild Summer Night is young rookie Nathan Herod, and although the RCW President wasn't set to announce a match in which Herod would appear, who should make an appearance at the press conference but Herod's manager, Mick Silvestri. Let's take a look. [Cut to Mick Silvestri standing at the podium, wearing the same charcoal gray Armani suit as always and smiling with enthusiastic joy at the journalists. A moment passes before someone actually asks a question.] Reporter 1: Mister Silvestri, how do you evaluate Nathan Herod's performance in RCW so far? It seems you must be disappointed. MS: Disappointed? [Silvestri shakes his head.] MS: *Excited* is the proper expression. We are witnessing an evolution here, dear sir, and a revolution. There is little doubt that Nathan Herod, a wrestler from your American Heartland, is just in the first phase of his launch into the top of the rankings. Reporter 1: He _has_ lost in his first two appearances. MS: Technically, that is true. But a Battle Royal is hardly a measuring stick for a dedicated singles wrestler like Nathan. As far as the second match goes... I admit that Rick Marley surprised us by scoring a pinfall. I have lobbied RCW administration to check him for illegal substances which may have doped him and to access multiple camera angles to see if a pulling of the tights or similar foul play was involved. Sadly, my pleas were ignored so far. Nonetheless, my client has hardly taken a step back after this *slight* setback. After all, after the match, he proved that he was still in top condition to continue the fight. Reporter 2: Isn't it true that Herod's post-match attack on Marley got him in very hot water with the front office? There are rumors of a suspension going around and that he will be barred from competing until he has conviced President Spreadbury of better behaviour and more refined wrestling skills. [Mick just keeps on smiling.] MS: Preposterous. His abilities are fine. Billy Shakespeare and Don Ditka themselves lauded his many qualities on air, if you remember. Reporter 3: But he has no match on Wild Summer Night, does he? [For a moment, Silvestri grimaces as he chews on his lower lip. But almost at once he regains his game face.] MS: Let me restate that is not suspended or something like that because of his perceived unsportsmanlike conduct in his former appearances. The fact of the matter is that RCW has not found someone on the roster who dares to accept to face him on short notice, so, as things stand, his fans will have to do without a match on Wild Summer Night. Be assured, though, that he will be in attendance that night. No more questions! [As Silvestri leaves the podium, smiling and waving at the reporters, cut back to Ditka in the press room.] DD: Well, folks, what a night it's going to be at RCW Wild Summer Night. It's just six weeks away, and there will be further announcements as we draw nearer to the date. Keep up with all the news about RCW's first-ever pay-per-view at our web site, www.ripcitywrestling.com/ppv, and don't forget that a few tickets are still available -- click onto www.ticketmaster.com or get down to the Rose Garden box office as soon as possible. We'll be back next Thursday night with another hour of top-drawer wrestling action when RAMPAGE comes at you *live* on KPDX-49. Until then, this is Don Ditka wishing you a good night, everybody! [The camera cuts to a wide shot of the empty press briefing room as Ditka stands and walks towards the exit of the room. Fade to black.] ____________________________________________________________________ / Copyright (C) 2006 Rip City Wrestling, Inc. All rights reserved. / / www.ripcitywrestling.com / /___________________________________________________________________/